Confession 3

September 27th, 2012

They said not a word. What? I asked. They kept still in silence. Ashamed. But not guilty. Or not aware of how this has happened. What did you do? Where did you put it? I insisted, hoping, they would somehow remember and confess. Whatever they have done, it must have been big. For why so silent? Why not say, anything, a lie? But no, they had no words.
What was that they took from me? What was it, that no sentence could be said? Was it so otherwordly that no word could contain, at least few, at least a little of it?
Their looks. I had to go. They could not stand me, neither could I stand there, wandering in place.
Years went, as I did. No lines, no colours, no sounds or words I heard were of any help. Untraceable. I could not believe the helplessness of my wander.
As soon as I set, I had to leave. As I left, having nowhere to particular to go, I would set, for rest, if not (for anything else).
Tired, I started dreaming. No words or colours can say these dreams. I did not eat, I did not want to. Illusions came, bright, not ill at all. Silent with no sound.
What was it that I was deprived of? I dreamt , I hallucinated. Unset, I had to rely on fantasy to go on, to find a shadow for sleep. I started talking with the skies, the clouds and the earth. With wordless language, worldless one.
I went back to visit them. Jolly and happy they were as they said:
– Now we can tell you what you wanted to know.
I, tense as I became, took a step to distance. My god, I was terrified of their eyes! No. I said. What? They asked.
But I was silent. Wordless, colourless, without a line I left.
I dreamt, I hallucinated, I had illusions, my fantasies found me places to rest.
I had no use for what they had to say.
I would not let it be taken again.

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